Junk's Tats

My friend Junk has a problem. At the end of every season, he tattoos the names of 3-4 players from the two teams he follows onto his abdomen. Below each name, he has the year, the team's record in games that he played, and the team's record in games that he did not play. Junk goes through the whole roster, of course, and finds the players for whom the disparity is greatest, and unless it's close and there's a more notable player to go with, he chooses the player whose presence ostensibly was of the greatest benefit or detriment.

Anyway, Junk got me trashed last night and I blacked out early. I awoke this morning to a pounding headache. When I got up to use the restroom, I saw my reflection in the mirror and screeched in terror at what I had done. There it was, in blue block letters encircling my belly button:

MARK SWEENEY
DODGERS, 8/10/07 to 6/29/07
WHEN HE PLAYED: 35-51
WHEN HE SAT: 25-17